Crunchy-Con has a post up about a suburban family giving gifts to a family that lives in a trailer park. Read the full post here.
All 30—30!—of the beneficent visitors pile into the trailer to watch the scraggly urchins open their gifts. And the guy leaves satisfied that his children now know the True Meaning of Christmas.Dreher does proceed to constructively recommend a different course of action for the suburban family, which is much better than the, “Can you believe this guy?!” approach his post begins with.The friend who related this story to me was nauseated by it, as was I. The charitable impulse is a noble thing, of course, but this suburban guy used it as an exercise in feelgood lifestyle tourism. That impoverished family and their children were not human beings to him; they were props in a moralistic experiment. I cringed trying to imagine how their dignity must have been insulted by having those comparatively well-off people clambering into their trailer to gawk at them opening gifts, and to feel good about themselves.
Those verses about “not letting your left hand know what you’re right hand is doing” come to mind, as well as the ones about “loving your neighbor,” which in my mind includes protecting their dignity. So, Dreher (and my) question is, how does one do charitable acts while maintaining the dignity of the recipient? Anyone heard or experienced similar stories? Anyone disagree with Dreher’s outrage?
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December 21, 2007 at 11:49
I think moral tourism is almost an oxymoron, by the very fact that it is tourism it means it can’t be moral since morality is something that demands a full lifechange and not just one time a year. You can feel good about doing good things, but if you do it for that reason there isn’t any point to it.
December 21, 2007 at 12:56
I remember clearly feeding my baby brother sugar water because we couldn’t afford milk, eating powdered eggs & some kind of funky cheese product courtesy of good old Uncle Sam as a child, going through a room full of clothing at the Salvation Army with my mother & brothers (once I was able to find a pair of socks so new that they still had the little blue oval on the bottom of them – what joy I felt), begging for the kids’ stewed tomatoes on their cafeteria school lunch trays because I did not have anything to eat that morning, the night before, or the night before that (I could not understand how they could just throw food away). I well recall knocking on neighbors’ doors & asking – begging – for milk, a couple of eggs, sugar, anything they could spare. Shoplifting medicine when my brothers got sick. To this day I have fond remembrance of going to a local police station and being given bags of toys at Christmastime and being 100% elated at the wonderful gifts I was given, the amount or quality of the gifts didn’t matter. They were mine. Somebody loved me.
We, like this family, lived in dilapidated trailers in abject poverty; we lived in the projects, the slums; mom moved us surreptitiously in the middle of the night to avoid countless bill collectors & landlords, and anytime anyone reached out to us kids in any way we were grateful. We were ecstatic. We were touched. I am still grateful when I think about those who blessed my life as a child. Especially the foster homes (all 5 of them) that shared the love of Jesus Christ with me as a lost, confused, abused girl. Because otherwise I am convinced I would have never been told about Him as my family was non-Christian.
So you be this man’s judge and jury. Condemn him for not only taking the time to give gifts but his own presence to this needy family.
I applaud him.
December 21, 2007 at 14:03
Deeply pondering both views presented here…
Thank you for your vulnerable comment Christiane li.
Blessings, e-Mom @ Chrysalis
December 21, 2007 at 16:38
Our church supports the Angel Tree program, which involves giving Christmas gifts to children who have a parent serving time in prison. Dignity is upheld by first asking recipient families if they want to participate, by asking the recipient family for a specific gift suggestion for the child, and by limiting the amount that can be spent. Also, gifts are delivered by a different person than the one purchasing the gift, and the delivery is low-key. No one stays around to watch them opening the gifts, which are intended to be opened on Christmas day, anyway.
There are a lot of ways to make a compassionate gesture of Christian love without making the recipient feel small. It starts by checking your own attitudes.
December 21, 2007 at 17:30
I’m with you Christiane. During the hard times, I was grateful for the helping hand. People who came personally were not only offering a gift but their love. I saw it as God’s provision.
Who am I to ascribe less than honorable motives to this man who gave not only of his money, but his time to share with this family? I
December 22, 2007 at 10:01
Is it not better to do good works poorly then not to do them at all? I know those aren’t the only options, but I’m not sure which I find more offensive, the guy who took the tour or those who criticize him in some sanctimonious way. Let’s just get on with it.
December 22, 2007 at 10:34
Seems very fashionable to condemn someone for doing good in public – I believe we all need more kindness and less sneering. Judge not lest ye be – and so on and so forth. With the attention given to lifestyles of the rich and clueless – I love it when the cameras of our society show kindness done. Whether the person has the “right motives” and does it to suit someone else – ain’t mine to say. But if for some reason I’m broke and helpless (been there, done that)- I’ll be tickled to smile and pose for anyone who helps me.
December 22, 2007 at 12:47
A lot of churches have programs to address this. I was in a situation where my friend was in financial strife and I offered him help, but he wouldn’t take it. The option of giving through the church came up, and he could accept the gift knowing that he doesn’t have to feel the guilt of “creating the need”. Some people feel this guilt and others do not.
Dreher’s outrage stems not from the giving of a gift, but the fact that the giver couldn’t find someone with whom he/she already had a relationship with, and then gave gifts out of love. Dreher argues that, because of certain facts, the giver was giving for the wrong reasons, which I can understand. Giving in itself is a wonderful thing, but doing it because you feel obligated is simply saying “you need it more than me”. We are called to give via scripture, but we are also called to do it out of love.
December 24, 2007 at 15:11
On the surface of the story, I think that giving so that the world (or even just your own kids) will see your goodness and glorify you is a bad move. (Mtt. 6:2)
But do we really know this man’s motives? Is he simply benevolently ungraceful as Jimmme suggests?
I think it comes down to who is he trying to glorify – himself or God (or some moral standard if he’s not Christian)?
I also wonder if he is teaching his kids to give sacrificially. Did they sacrifice getting some of their gifts to give to someone else?