A new book of Mother Teresa’s correspondence to her spiritual superiors reveals a deeper look into the heart of Nobel Prize winner and minister to India’s poorest of the poor.
Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light (Doubleday) is a collection of deeply personal letters that she had asked be destroyed at her death. In them she confides:
- Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love—and now become as the most hated one— the one—You have thrown away as unwanted—unloved. I call, I cling, I want—and there is no One to answer— no One on Whom I can cling—no, No One.—Alone … Where is my Faith—even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness—My God—how painful is this unknown pain—I have no Faith—I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart—& make me suffer untold agony (Undated)
Jesus, my own Jesus—I am only Thine—I am so stupid—I do not know what to say but do with me whatever You wish—as You wish—as long as you wish (1947).
Mother Teresa is not the first Christian to struggle with what sixteenth century’s Saint John of the Cross called “The Dark Night of the Soul.” The Spanish priest believed that all Christians must come to the point of loving Christ more than anything: His love, forgiveness, blessings, comfort, etc. Loving anything other than Christ Himself was “idolatry.” Mother Teresa later writes of embracing that darkness:
- I can’t express in words—the gratitude I owe you for your kindness to me—for the first time in … years—I have come to love the darkness—for I believe now that it is part of a very, very small part of Jesus’ darkness & pain on earth. You have taught me to accept it [as] a ‘spiritual side of your work’ as you wrote—Today really I felt a deep joy—that Jesus can’t go anymore through the agony—but that He wants to go through it in me (1961).
The painfully honest questions should be an encouragement for believers going through times of doubt. And an important antidote for today’s unhealthy emphasis “health and wealth” and “prosperity gospel.” And a more recent entry warns that the dark “night” can go on for years.
- Jesus has a very special love for you. [But] as for me—The silence and the emptiness is so great—that I look and do not see,—Listen and do not hear—the tongue moves [in prayer] but does not speak … I want you to pray for me—that I let Him have [a] free hand” (1979).
I suspect that Mother Teresa and the apostle Paul will have much to discuss. He wrote:
- Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort (1 Corinthians 1:3-7).
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August 23, 2007 at 16:44
Why were a collection of letters she had asked be destroyed at her death published? I don’t understand this.
August 23, 2007 at 20:40
Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light (Doubleday) is a collection of deeply personal letters that she had asked be destroyed at her death.
I’m not certain I feel comfortable reading these, based on the preface. Can anyone tell me why I should?
August 23, 2007 at 22:01
I think Mother Teresa’s wishes should be honored so I’m not reading the letters. I recommend reading “Dark Night of the Soul” instead. Teresa stands with Job, David, and the rest of us who have experienced abandonment issues in our relationships with God. Even Jesus once looked toward heaven and asked “why have you forsaken me”. Many of us have prayed with the man in Mark 9 who prayed “I believe, help my unbelief.” Teresa may have been struggling but she was still talking about her struggle in a form of a prayer. We might as well all be that honest with God, he knows anyway.
August 24, 2007 at 06:55
According to the publisher, the letters are owned by Mother Teresa’s convent and thus the convent has the legal the right to publish them.
But you’re absolutely right, it does seem ethically wrong to publish them when she specifically asked that they be destroyed.
Unfortunately, we live in a world of “paper trails” that can become public such as email and photos on the Internet. Fortunately, God can use even questionable ethics and motives for His glory and the Kingdom (Romans 8:28).
Jim “Who is planning to burn his journals” Watkins
August 24, 2007 at 19:01
As Christians, and nominally, at least, that would include “convents”, I think Mother Teresa’s wishes should have been honored. We all know that “legal” and “ethical” seem to bear less and less of a resemblance to each other with every passing day. We all have our “dark nights of the soul”, but thank God no one is interested in publishing our innermost quarrels with God for all the world to see. Mother T deserves her privacy, even in death. The fact that God can use our unholy acts to validate His holiness is best left as an excuse for those who don’t know any better.
August 25, 2007 at 09:56
I agree with Karen. Now Mother Teresa’s “50 year crisis of faith” is a Time cover story.
August 25, 2007 at 10:07
I just now read on another site, where Mother T.’s personal diary was abused. Even though it helped this twice near death survivor see her in a more personal way, it abused her desire and should NEVER have been permitted for ANYONE to see. Thank God she’s now in Heaven where it can’t affect her
August 25, 2007 at 15:28
While I like the idea of privacy … I’m a history student. Frankly, a large portion of what we know about many public figures comes from sources like this. In some cases, sources exactly like this. And Mother Theresa was a public figure; whether she wanted to be or not, she is an important part of the world’s understanding of Christianity.
And Brother Greg, of course, is correct—the publication of these letters can’t affect her now.
By the way, these letters are being published as part of her advocates’ push for sainthood. It seems to me that we can’t have it both ways; if we want to hold someone up for esteem after their death, we have to be willing to make inquiries that they themselves might not have wanted us to make.
August 25, 2007 at 18:54
By my reading of the Bible, Mother Teresa already IS a Saint. And…Given the way society is prone to distorting and rewriting “history” these days, that argument comforts me not at all.
I think Mother Teresa was enough of a public figure, and left enough of herself behind, that it’s unnecessary for a Committee to follow her into the bathroom, in order to decide upon her “sainthood.” And while it is true that SHE can’t be hurt by this betrayal of her trust, it is possible that her Legacy and her Work may be. Or maybe it’s just ourselves that we contaminate.
August 25, 2007 at 20:45
The letters are one part of the Roman Church’s way of assessing whether or not she is to be made a saint. They are, therefore, public documents.
Anyone, and especially a Catholic with a strong works righteousness theology that Mother T. displays, can develop a horrible case of depression and self condemnation.
I read the Time article and she was up and down from the belief that she could and should be perfect, even sinless, but each time she began to think that way she was overwhelmed with Guilt and Shame because she was proud.
I am a therapist and see this kind of emotional pain often among many pious Christians of all denominations.
August 25, 2007 at 23:09
I’ve been thinking over my initial reaction to this in agreeing that Mother Teresa’s letters should have been destroyed according to her wishes. I’m beginning to reconsider. We tend to see our privacy as paramount in importance. But I wonder if God sees it that way (Luke 12:2-3). Mother Teresa wished to have the letters destroyed by the Church overruled her. She was under their authority so I suppose they had a right to do so.
Privacy is important. I think everyone needs a certain amount of it in some areas. But, considering the content of these letters, what harm do we think their exposure is going to do to Teresa’s legacy and ministry? She was faithful in her calling and service in spite of her difficulties. Is there any shame in her having doubts and struggles? She seems to have thought so, but was she right about that? Perhaps instead she was wrong to try to hide them from the public. If she had been more transparent with her struggles, perhaps God would have led her along a path that would have given her more relief from them. We may not be doing well when we try to give the impression to others that faith is an easier matter for us than it really is. Faith has to face reality for it to be genuine. I think Teresa’s faith was genuine, but she apparently allowed very few people to see how genuine it really was.
August 26, 2007 at 14:11
The Catholic Church’s and Mother Teresa’s ultimate alligience is to GOD and both are obligated to submit to HIS authority. How often, in the Bible, do you find God honoring betrayal and breach of trust? Does He ultimately use it to His glory? Sure; but not without consequences. The whole argument that it’s OK to betray a dying woman’s last request because WE will selfishly benefit from having done so is to argue that God is not interested in individuals, and will not be not concerned about sins committed “for the greater good.” Sound familiar anyone?
August 27, 2007 at 11:48
I am with Karen all the way on this. This is dirctly against Teresa’s wishes and her wishes should have been honored. We kid ourselves when we decide we have nobler motives for reading them than she did for desiring them to be destroyed.
August 27, 2007 at 12:59
I have not read much of the letters so this is more of a question. Is it true that she wrestled with this for years and years? Could it possibly be that she was still searching for God yet not finding him through a works mentality? Could it be that her lifeline to God was constricted by a false notion of salvation? When you are told it is by works, and you are praying to dead “saints” it would seem to lead away from Christ, not toward him.
August 27, 2007 at 20:01
I don’t think I will soon forget one of my visits to a Catholic church. As I walked in the dim entryway of the building, hundreds, perhaps thousands, of candles flickered in cases to my left & right. A yoda-esque priest hovered nearby, eyes gleaming. When I inquired what the candles were for, I was told that they represented dead loved ones who were being prayed for. Still not getting it, I asked why one got a candle? A most strange smile was on the priest’s face as I was informed that, for a very small price indeed, one could have one’s loved one prayed right out of purgatory. And of course, more candles bought, meant more prayers lifted up to one saint or another, even the Virgin Mary herself.
My hope is that Teresa’s faith was truly in Christ, and not in her Catholic denomination, or in her own works, which indeed helped ease the suffering of many, but are of no use as far as salvation is concerned.
I think we should be more compassionate and open about our doubts as Christians. A friend of mine had a 3 year old son die in a horrific accident, which caused him to doubt – my friend’s question being, why would God allow this to happen? (His son died almost a decade ago; my friend still has questions). The disciple Thomas’ doubts seemed to be an intellectual sort. Some people who have been such ungodly, wicked sinners may doubt that they are truly saved. But doubts are sometimes matters of the will, too. “Dealing with Doubt” by Gary Habermas, and Philip Yancey’s “Where is God When It Hurts?” are good books that may help if someone is in the agony of doubt.
August 27, 2007 at 21:43
Whatever we might learn from these letters vs the principles of privacy seems to me secondary to what forgiveness really means. Our capacity to “lay aside that which is past and press on” is an important part of what God’s redemption offers. If an omniscient God is somehow able to throw our failures into a sea of forgetfulness then might it be part of accepting one another as we journey toward becoming “new creatures” to do the same for one another? If Teresa wanted these letters thrown into that sea, if God chooses to forget them, it seems like an act of grace to forget them too.
August 30, 2007 at 09:57
I am also disturbed that Mother Teresa’s dying wishes were not honored. But most of all, the letters were to her “confessors,” and by the rules of the Catholic Church, a confession is an inviolable “secret” between the penitent and confessor—and is never permitted to be revealed. I’m sure the church will find some way to spin this…I’m appalled, but not surprised, by their arrogance and violation of trust.
August 31, 2007 at 12:19
Mother Teresa had requested that her letters be destroyed. It was a request that was turned down by the church. (see Time magazine article).
She had wished to feel Jesus in her personal prayers, yet even in her deepest prayers she felt alone.
She had wished to be a perfect Loreto nun in Ireland, yet her Spouse wanted her for India – to be His fire of love amongst the poor.
She understood her role perfectly when she described herself as a “pencil in God’s hand.”
The darker the abyss that her soul went through the more indelible the mark that the pencil will leave.
What use will a pencil have if the message written will not be read?
Our feelings might not connect us to Christ in our prayers but it does not mean He is absent. Mother Teresa herself found Jesus in every sick person she had cared for, in every hungry person she had fed, in every suffering being she had laid her hand upon.
That her request for her letters to be destroyed was not granted is consistent with her life of total surrender to her Spouse. As was asked of her of Christ, she went a step further to start the Missionaries of Charity in India while she was still alive. In her death, she takes another step further to share with the world her innermost secret: the utter darkness her soul went through to save those of others for Jesus.
August 31, 2007 at 18:00
Dante, I disagree that it was God’s doing that made Teresa’s papers public: the Catholic church, not Jesus, released these most intimate letters. I am sure you will agree Catholic churchmen can, and do, go against God’s will?
There is so much of Teresa’s wisdom in her public speeches, and so much work still before Christians, that if we really wanted to honor Teresa, we’d follow her example and get about the business of ministering to those who need God’s loving touch.
As she herself put it: “When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed.”
September 3, 2007 at 18:54
As soon as I heard about the journals of Mother Teresa, I immediately turned to my husband and said, “Dark Night of the Soul”. I think that Mother Teresa’s wish, for her writings to be destroyed, should be granted. The Catholic Church thoroughly investigates candidates for beatification, including miracles. I think they have understood that the ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ is a phenomena amongst the holiest of saints—that God gives this suffering, for them to share, in order to perfect them, even before death. It’s an opportunity, a gift disguised as a curse, that only few saints are given. It’s not an easy or common thing for ‘every christian’. It’s a sign of great holiness.
Mother Teresa did not live her life to do her own works, but God’s. All of us, who are Christians, acknowledge that without God, we can do nothing. But we are, by God’s own commands, to DO something in order to live the Gospel as He wants us to. To fulfill His Works on earth, he asks for our participation, active and loving. It is God’s work that Mother Teresa accepted and kept on doing, even in the midst of her agony of the ‘Dark Night of the Soul’.
Some Saints are incorrupt, others have had the stigmata, some have been given other miraculous charisms…....some suffering. But it’s all for God’s glory.
God bless Mother Teresa.