Burned once too many times by the church? Has church-hopping become the defining characteristic of your worship life? Thinking about just writing off church altogether, and living out a Christian life apart from the frustrations and melodrama that come with church attendance? Bob Hyatt, writing at Next-Wave magazine, looks at some recent Barna writings and urges us to not to permanently abandon church membership.
While many people go through a temporary phase of detachment from a physical church congregation, Hyatt cautions that a Christian life without Christian fellowship is missing something very important:
...what I struggle to understand, are those who, rather than seeing this as a (sometimes necessary) phase that many of us go through, something to be faced, experienced and then moved on from, seem to see it, and indeed embrace it, as a permanent state. The perpetually churchless Christian wants to experience a bit of what the “spiritual but not religious” all around us seem to have. In other words, they want Christ, just not His Community. [...]Whether you are on the fringes or fully committed, chances are that participation in a community is a frustrating experience that often just plain hurts. But what’s different is that those who walk away often see that frustration wasted in their lives while who lean in have the opportunity to see something beautiful come out it. Whenever you get people together, fallen people, at various levels of commitment to ideals and living them out, you are going to have a place where toes are stepped on and where you are given many, many opportunities to work out what mercy, grace and forgiveness really mean.
That’s all easier said than done, but Hyatt realizes this, and lays out his case for not giving up on the physical church. Have you experienced (or are you experiencing) such frustration with the church that you’ve decided to just write it off entirely? Does Hyatt’s essay give you reason to reconsider your decision? Have you found spiritual value in sticking with a church community that’s hurt and disappointed you badly?
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August 1, 2007 at 08:16
I agree. Church is where I learn how to live life the way God wants me to. I learn patience, mercy, forgiveness, tolerance. Church gives me the place to do that alongside people who are trying to be patient and forgiving with me as well. In the world, my mistakes are just mistakes. But in a church, I have hope that my stupidity will result in growth.
Not to mention, if I left, think of all the people would miss out on the lessons of learning how to tolerate me.
August 1, 2007 at 08:45
In Hebrews, the Word reminds us and encourages us to “not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching”. As the days of wickedness increase, many have decided to giving up meeting, while the Word instructs us to ENCOURAGE one another, and especially even MORE when the DAY approaches. What day? I seem to think it’s the day of our Savior’s coming. Yes, Christians can get annoying and pain is always present, but I have found a secret strength of encouragement when I gather with others who share the same faith. One of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen is watching a group of people worshiping together. That’s what we were called for.
August 1, 2007 at 12:43
Your article struck a responsive chord, since I have always had mixed feelings about the church and church involvement. On one hand, I’ve often felt tolerated at best among the people who were supposed to be my “spiritual family”. I’ve found myself annoyed by the sniping and whining, the petty competitiveness, that strikes such a jarring note against the background of the Biblical message of love and compassion.
Still, we are commanded to have fellowship within the Body of Christ-period. At times, I have been tempted to cloister myself with my Bible and the writings of Spurgeon,Chambers,and Lewis and just let all that “churchy” business go by the wayside. Realiztically, however, I know this isn’t an option. Involvement with our “brothers and sisters in Christ” is, frankly, “the only game in town”-and, with the help of the Holy Spirit, we are to play it with all our heart.
It helps to remember that it is our humanity and our living in a wounded and dying world that causes many of the problems. When I get too discouraged, I visualize what it will be like someday when we’ll be able to fully and flawlessly love each other because we’ll be forever in the the company of the One Who Is The Source of All Love.
August 1, 2007 at 12:48
In a church there are many different ways for people to express their love for Jesus. My way is different then most of the others. Not better or worse, just different. God loves everybody there. Do I dare think poorly of someone God loves? Of course there will be strife in a church, I just try to keep my eyes on Jesus. As long as I do that, I don’t have the time to criticize others, or pay attention to the drama. When I deal with church activities, I also remember that I am not beneath anybody, and I am certainly not better.
August 1, 2007 at 17:51
It’s easy to forget that people in the church are at different levels of maturity, both naturally and spiritually. Our life experiences also affect how we interact with others.
Growth is a process, which takes time and patience. Let’s extend grace to those who seem somewhat rough around the edges.
August 2, 2007 at 09:38
For me, I’m finding that my spiritual growth is at an hinderance due to the church community that did HURT me and DISAPPOINTMENTED me BADLY. I have been a member at my church my entire life and the ones that have known me all my life were the ones that hurted me due to new administration for the past 3 years. My experience has been very traumatic to me and I’m seeking to find another church. I forgave those people, but they have not forgiven me. They have such power in their high position that the church was once a worship fellowship temple has now become a social club with such elite people. Such compromises have been exchanged and if you’re not in their group then there’s no support for anyone who is not in the group. They feel that you have to work your own life out through prayer which is true but that they have shown thousands of times that their 12 member group only support and love their own with the pastor. It was also the pastor who set that foundation, platform for those persons to behave in such manner.
August 2, 2007 at 23:11
I agree with Nicole totally. Those brothers out there can hurt you. I’m a church hopper and have learned alot about churches and their behavior.
I don’t mean to leave. It’s just that it come the time where you point out wisdom to them, the leadership, they disagree and they post a sermon on false prophets, namely meaning you.
Then they give a follow-up sermon on obedience and how we should obey the leaders in that church. But what if they are tares and wolves in sheeps clothing?! What can we do? Nothing but pray.
If your stay at home you’re bombarded with the issues of the idolaters of the world who have no regard to any Lord’s day or praise ceremony or care to watch anyone preach in television.
So you go back to another church and the cycle begins again. They welcome you, they invite you to bible study and there a leader there who calls the shots of what the word says to them, you disagree and then the sermon on false prophets and obedience to leaders and then you have to go home or the street.
But that why the Lord is grand, he put together these blogs where we can meet and admonish one another. He knows that we are cornered in the street but not in the world.
I still go to church and make the best of the situation on each church, until I get the queu that it’s time to leave and have spoken what the Lord want to tell some of them, perhaps to save them, and bring to the understand that the Lord fills the heavens and cannot be contained in buildings. May you be blessed. Amen.
August 3, 2007 at 20:57
All I can say is I respect what Bob Hyatt is trying to do. But I also know that it isn’t so easy to assume why people are leaving the church.
All I know is that I’m much happier now that I’m out of the institutional church, and I won’t return. If people want to know why I left and why I’m happier outside, I’d be happy to explain. However, articles like these are all about debates and proving your point (for both sides) so I’d rather not be part of that.
August 4, 2007 at 03:23
I have found in 33 years of following Christ that any church looks more together from the outside. The more involved I’ve become the more aware I am of failure, inconsistency and hypocrisy. Leadership often disappoints. Jesus never does. If people are hypocrites or failures they probably need some help getting over it. I came into God’s house a mess and other people patiently helped me detach from the mess as God transformed me. Some of those people stopped serving God. They know I love them and that I believe Jesus still loves them too. I will be standing here next to Him with open arms if they ever come back. That’s all part of being the church too. Involvement in a church body has become more about what Jesus wants than about how I think things should be.
Jesus sees us as forgiven and not guilty because His act of sacrifice provided us with that status even though none of us is innocent by our own power. When we look at each other as individuals and see one another as forgiven beings, we accept that status in one another. We try to help one another overcome in the areas of weakness realizing that transformation is a process. Jesus sees his bride the church as beautiful even though we see her flaws and ugliness. Transformation into the perfect, spotless bride of Revelations is a process for the church. Jesus’ prayer in John 17 is not only for each of us as individual believers but a prayer for us as his beloved bride. When I read his words I want to let go of my own vision of what I think the church should look like and embrace his. I want to become part of what restores the body to unity and love.
I’m not always sure what that’s supposed to look like either but I want to open myself to the Holy Spirit and come the church with a song, an encouragement, a prayer or something else that is going to bless the people I worship with. I want to open my heart to receive whatever the others in my fellowship bring as well. Sometimes my local church is too inwardly focused and that frustrates me a lot. We’ve failed to love our neighbors outside the church walls as we love ourselves. Sometimes we’ve failed to take the great commission to share Christ with those who need him as seriously as we ought. Now that I realize this, it is incumbent upon me to seek change. God often seems to enact change within a congregation through one person or small groups of people. Willingness to be used even when it’s uncomfortable is part of being in the church too.
The universal church is made up of every believer who has ever loved Jesus and accepted His gift. I find it difficult to reject the testimony of this enormous “cloud of witnesses” because some have failed Christ or hurt others. Jesus send people out at least in pairs, told believers to wait together for the Holy Spirit and used Paul to tell us not to forsake being together. He gave John a Revelation about an eternal future that involved a corporate bride, a church. It looks to me as if that’s how Jesus wants things so I’m hanging in even though some of these people I’m it with are really annoying.
August 5, 2007 at 09:15
The church is you and you are the church—if you give up on the church, then you give up on yourself. God said fail not to assemble yourself among the saints. The buliding is where we congragate, but we as people make the the church. And even without people being in the building, you stil have to build the church in you by sitting under the Word of God and reading it. He said that faith comes by hearing and sitting under the Word .
August 5, 2007 at 15:40
I returned to church today after a 4 month absence. I haven’t been regularly for about a year. Going to church really is a necessary part of being a Christian. Not to sing songs or listen to a sermon, but to have fellowship with other believers. You cannot be a Christian alone. I have learnt that the hard way. While I would still tell everyone that I was a Christian, I knew in my heart that I had fallen away. I had issues with my church, and so left for a while. Now, I realise how insignificant any of these problems are. The church is a body. One member cannot function alone. That’s not what God intended. I’m glad I’ve learnt from my time away, but I’ll be going back regularly from now on.
August 6, 2007 at 15:45
Servant, it sounds difficult what you’ve been through. Perhaps you’d be better off in a church in which the pastor preaches through a book of the Bible-like James 1 on May 1, James 2 on May 8, James 3 on May 15, etc., or a church with a lectionary. My church does the former, and it’s been good at keeping us from subjective agendas.