Former LA Times religion writer William Lobdell tells a sad and moving story about how his job as a religion reporter wore down his faith. As a relatively new Christian, he was thrilled at the opportunity to “write about religion for The Times and bring light into the newsroom.” But after years spent writing about sex abuse in the Catholic church, predatory televangelists, and countless other examples of evil perpetrated by representatives of Christianity, he found his own faith being slowly eroded.
Lobdell’s loss of faith was gradual, not the result of a single experience. Furthermore, he’s familiar with the usual Christian responses to sin within the church, but in the end didn’t find them sufficient. As he puts it:
I understood that I was witnessing the failure of humans, not God. But in a way, that was the point. I didn’t see these institutions drenched in God’s spirit. Shouldn’t religious organizations, if they were God-inspired anddriven, reflect higher standards than government, corporations and other groups in society?I found an excuse to skip services that Easter. For the next few months, I attended church only sporadically. Then I stopped going altogether.
I’m sure there are plenty of explanations we could advance for Lobdell’s loss of faith-maybe he wasn’t mature enough in the faith to leap into a journalistic career that put him in touch with humanity at its worst; maybe his initial conversion to Christianity was based on emotion alone, or on shaky theology. I don’t know. But he certainly believed his faith to be genuine; and when he felt his beliefs being threatened, he turned to mentors in the church for counsel. But ultimately he felt he couldn’t reconcile his faith with the way he saw the institutional church behaving. (Note that the article strongly suggests that Lobdell has abandoned the Christian faith, but we can’t know for sure where he’s at spiritually.)
What’s your reaction to this? Have you ever been so upset by sinful behavior in the church that you considered simply turning your back on all of Christianity? If you have been in a situation like that, what did you decide to do, and why did you do it? And lastly, if Lobdell had come to you with his growing frustration, how would you have advised him? Would your response have differed from the response Lobdell relates hearing from his own pastor?
(Via Christdot.org.)
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July 23, 2007 at 17:01
It’s impossible to “lose” your faith, if you actually ever had it. That’s not to say that someone can’t have doubts, or even frustrations, because we’ve all had them.
But someone “losing” their faith and converting to something else just means the seed never was really planted in the soil and bearing fruit to begin with.
July 23, 2007 at 18:53
There are a million different answers to William Lobdell’s dilemma. Here’s my paltry attempt.
This story dramatically points out the need for a daily, living, very personal relationship with God. Nothing takes the place of this. Not a relationship with a book. Or membership in an organization, no matter how spiritual it pretends to be. The Bible is important, it is the revealed Word of God, but our primary relationship is with the Person of God through the Holy Spirit. Although a thorough knowledge of the Bible would probably have given William Lobdell more insight than a thorough knowledge of TBN or the Catholic Church. He seems to ground his faith in religous organizations. Organizations are bound for failure. The Catholic Church in particular has a long history of corruption because they have wedded political and economic structure to a spiritual body. In fact, the writer should have been a religion writer in Rome during Martin Luther’s time. Today’s scandals pale by comparison. Everything springs from a strong personal knowledge of God. That is what allowed Martin Luther to confidently defy the Roman Catholic Church. That is what allowed Paul to confront Peter and the august body of disciples in Jerusalem and accuse them of hypocrisy. A close relationship with His Father was what allowed Jesus to confront the religious organization of His day, the Pharisees.
William Lobdell asks; “I didn’t see these institutions drenched in God’s spirit. Shouldn’t religious organizations, if they were God-inspired and driven, reflect higher standards than government, corporations and other groups in society?” Hey, I agree, I don’t see these institutions drenched in God’s Spirit either. What is a “religious organization anyway”? There’s two words that don’t go together well. It’s an oxymoron, kind of like Military Intelligence. Why do we have to assume that the Roman Catholic Church or TBN is God-inspired? The church is at its strongest and most vital when it is NOT a powerful organization. This is where I can almost agree with the bumper-sticker that says, “Oh Lord, deliver me from your followers”.
1/5 of the world lives in China where non registered churches are outlawed. Guess where all the growth and revival is happening? In the non-registered church that meet in small groups in homes and apartments. Yay! No Choirs or choir robes, no goofy organ music, no vestry or special holy clothes for “ministers”. We are members of a spiritual body that does best when organization is at a minimum, administration is decentralized and local and church architecture (the building) is minimal.
We bear this treasure in earthen vessels.
July 23, 2007 at 19:28
“Have you ever been so upset by sinful behavior in the church that you considered simply turning your back on all of Christianity?”
Good question, Andy. How about if we asked the question this way?
“Have you ever been so upset by sinful behavior in your family (who are all saved) that you considered simply turning your back on all of Christianity?”
When I consider my church “family” I realize we all have weaknesses.
July 23, 2007 at 20:00
The weakness/faults in Christian organizations drive me toward Christ, not away, as this serves to remind me that even the “saintly” among us need a Savior.
July 23, 2007 at 20:41
As a Christian and a newspaperman, I sympathize with Mr. Lobdell’s frustration (to a point). I have been grieved too many times when dealing with people who claim to be Christian, but fail to live it consistently.
I said “to a point” in the last paragraph because I agree that our faith must be in Christ, not man. The Presbyterian pastor in Mr. Lobdell’s story had it right: God is in control, even when we don’t understand.
On the other hand (and shifting gears for a moment), this is a reminder to everyone that we never know who will be witness to our “witness.” Sure, nobody’s perfect (and God still is), but if we didn’t have to do so much “damage control” in the church, I wonder how many people would have their faith strengthened rather than stressed…
July 24, 2007 at 09:17
I like Linda’s perspective on this from the inside. The further removed we are from the church-as-family, the less charitable we’ll be toward the failings of the church as fallible institution and the church as gathered screw-ups. That doesn’t do much for the skeptical onlooker, I suppose—the folks Dan Kimball is writing to in I Love Jesus but Not the Church—but it’s a good reminder to those of us who resonate with what Barna’s Revolutionaries, Sarah Cunningham’s Dear Church, or Brian Sanders’s forthcoming Life After Church: God’s Call to Disillusioned Christians. In order for the skeptical onlooker to see not our failings but our love (John 13:35), we need to wrestle with Peter’s challenge: “Above all, love each other deeply, for love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).
July 24, 2007 at 09:56
I want to take a moment and be very realistic about this issue.
First of all will not criticize this brother and say that he never had faith. He may very well have had faith. I can truthfully say that I totally understand how watching the church people made him lose it. Most of the pain I have suffered in my walk with the Lord came when I became called to the ministry, not while I was a layperson. The things I have witnessed from ‘fellow’ pastors, and simply the ministerial side alone, are down right disgusting. If I allowed my walk with Christ to be based on what His followers(or even leaders) did, I would have left the faith a lonnggg time ago. But my relationship is with Jesus and Him alone. It is that relationship that keeps me anchored. When I face pains in ministry(especially after becoming a pastor’s wife and evangelist), I am always comforted by something Jesus said or did in that same situation. The Holy Spirit will lead me to one of His teachings, and then I am relieved for I know that my pain is only bringing me closer to Him. It is making my knowledge of Him deeper and more profound.
I will pray for this brother and ask the Lord to send healing to his wounds, and restore his relationship to a deeper level. I truly understand his plight, I just pray that his relationship will be more with Christ, than the people.
Philippians 3:10
That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;
July 24, 2007 at 12:13
I have to disagree with Steve Deace’s comments. Have you ever known anyone whose faith you considered a model for your own, stronger and more well grounded than yours, who ‘lost faith’ through some difficult experience? Maybe that person’s faith, as he or she experienced it was stronger and more devoted to God than yours the way you experience it. What does this say about your faith if you believe that this person never had real faith in the first place? Maybe you don’t either. Maybe no one does. Some of us have our faith tested more harshly than others. We are in no position to gauge the genuineness of anyone’s faith except our own.
As for Mr. Lobdell, rejecting organized religion isn’t the same as rejecting God and God hasn’t rejected him simply because he’s been burned by the Church. His story isn’t over. I think he has a point when he says that faith is a gift, you either have it or you don’t, that you can’t fake it or will it into existence on your own. But has long as he wants faith he can act on that desire without hypocrisy and I think that God will eventually bring him out of his dark night of the soul into a more grace filled relationship with him and other Christians. God can use the experiences he’s had as building blocks for a new faith.
July 24, 2007 at 13:39
I find it interesting that the author’s experiences didn’t make him dismiss the possibility of God entirely, although he considered that a possibility. I wonder if confronting the horror of the things humans have done, even in the name of Christ, is as much an experience of who God is as the mountaintop experiences of conversion and being filled by the Holy Spirit. If we feel revulsion at such things as the sex abuse scandals he describes and the response of the “faithful” to them, imagine how God feels about what is happening in the Body of Christ.
Maybe knowing the depths of sin, even among those who claim to be followers of Christ, is as important a faith lesson as the wonder and glory when God reveals Himself in part to us. I don’t really get the feeling that Lobdell’s journey with God is over yet. I really appreciate the honesty and lack of illusion or comfort of pat answers with which he’s looked at these issues. If the stock, intellectual answers are enough to shield us from emotional pain when confronting sin, there might be something wrong with our response. We need to feel the true horror of sin just as Christ did, although thanks to the mercy of God, we will never have to feel it in full as He did on the cross. If we don’t really understand what sin is, we will never understand the distance between ourselves and God and will never feel our own desperate need for grace.
July 24, 2007 at 14:11
Doesn’t a good portion of the Old Testament clearly outline how God’s people consistently failed to live up to the Law? Doesn’t it clearly show the horrible things that mankind is capable of?
A college Philosophy professor once warned me not to let despair keep you from hope in God. It is very easy to look at the news of the day and feel an overwhelming amount of despair, pain and anguish due to the horrible things that happen each day. But aren’t faith, HOPE and love things to strive for?
July 24, 2007 at 17:11
My reaction to this is somewhat different than the other responses, because I think (I was not sure until an adult, read on to find out why) I was saved in a Christian foster home when I was either 11 or 12. When re-placed with my family (the month before I turned 13) we moved to a different area of the country. My family mocked my faith with great vigor; I had no church home; no extended family; and kids I was supposed to be friends with teased me unmercifully & treated me like anathema because of my accent & rather obvious gracelessness & financial poverty. I became angry, confused, hurt and scared (which seems to be where Mr. Lobdell is) and I dropped Jesus like a hot potato. For well over a decade, I lived an unChristian (translation: wicked) life, ending up with major scars and a mind set on suicide by the time I was 28. In my desperation I cried out to the Lord Jesus (the first time I had prayed specifically to the Lord in 16 years) and do you know He answered my prayer. I have never been the same since. Oh, the wonderful grace and mercy of God!
So what I would like to say to Mr. Lobdell (and others whose faith may be shaken by evil they see in those claiming Christ but living like He doesn’t exist, is: I’m sorry and I hope you can forgive me. I understand now that the hypocritical, mean, thoughtless, ungodly actions I committed daily during those years were 100% wrong and that they hurt YOU too although I never have met you personally. Please don’t give up your most precious faith, a gift from our Heavenly Father. And if you have to let go of something else (bitterness over unrepentant hypocrites, unforgiveness toward those who maul God’s flock with false gospels, outrage because of ecclesiastical cover-ups, despair due to the apathy around you) to hold on to Jesus, please do it. If you truly do not want evil to triumph, then remember: Jesus’ victory is for YOU personally. God is not only in control, He is faithful. He will avenge, and while you are on this earth, there may be others suffering; God has placed you in a unique combat position as a reporter.
July 24, 2007 at 22:18
I was brought up going to church several days a week. My parents made me go…. This didn’t prevent me from being sexually abused by my stepfather, beaten, and emotionally abused. It didn’t prevent me from spending 4 years in foster homes and getting thrown away every time I turned out to be an inconvenient (and imperfect) resident. It didn’t stop another Uncle from trying to molest me. It didn’t stop my church-going stepmother from throwing me out at 14 because I was competition to her own children. It didn’t stop me from being pregnant at 17, marrying [and eventually being] an adulterer, or any number of other painful experiences resulting from human failure. I learned long ago that putting my faith in any human (other than Christ) was to set myself up for disappointment. I thought my suffering was part of God’s plan to “refine” me. In the course of one year, I lost a pregnancy, a beloved pet, both parents, several co-workers, a neighbor I helped care for, got hassled at work, had eye and knee surgery, and began an affair that led me to end my first marriage (to the man who had NEVER been faithful to me). I eventually spent about ten years in an idyllic marriage to a man who lavished on me the love and commitment for which my heart craved so desperately. I thought that [finally] I was done with pain. Then he died. Close family members reviled me in my grief and walked out of my life. I kept on, one step, one day, at a time. In the ensuing years, I’ve often wondered if God is really there; if he really cares about me. I have good days and bad days. But one thing I know: NO philosophy of life, no other faith, provides the answers found in the Bible. No other religion can stop the hatred and evil and violence in the world. I choose to obey, whether God is watching or not. I choose to try, every day, to let the hate and evil and violence stop with me. I choose to try to infect the world with kindness and love, and pray that it will spread. Do I fail? Sure I do. Obviously! But every day I start over again. There is so much evil in the world! Can I change it? I don’t know. But I can sure try not to add to it. It doesn’t matter if God is real or not. I choose to obey. If I die and no One is there, I will still have left the world a better place than it would have been if I’d chosen otherwise.
July 25, 2007 at 07:29
Karen,
I am so convicted by your reply. Right now I am going through alot and I won’t even begin to go into it. But reading your response brought me to my knees because I can’t imagine going through that. Although my situation is painful, viewing your response and how your faith remained unshakable, I am truly inspired. I pray that God truly manifests His Glory in your life continually!
July 25, 2007 at 07:49
I feel that I am strong enough in my faith that I know when God is not in the “building”. So I leave and pray for them.
July 25, 2007 at 16:05
What’s the point of questioning whether or not the author’s faith was genuine to begin with? I can tell you with complete confidence and conviction that my faith was very strong and very real before I lost it. There is no doubt that I truly believed…and then I truly didn’t. My reason was the same as that stated by Lobdell: the lack of evidence in God’s followers. Years later God used circumstances and people to draw me back.
I see now, as a more mature follower, that sometimes faith IS a choice. Lobdell wrote, “Either you have the gift of faith or you don’t. It’s not a choice. It can’t be willed into existence.” No, it can’t be willed into existence, God has to plant the seed, but I find that I do have to choose to nurture that seed. Satan can put lots of evidence in front of me that God doesn’t exist, but I have to choose to look for God around me and seek him out. God’s followers aren’t perfect, and sometimes we can be just as filthy as the world around us. And that is one of the saddest realities of sin. But I have to choose to focus on the things that support and build up my faith. That doesn’t mean hiding my head in the sand and pretending that God’s followers are perfect. It means facing the filth head-on, while looking for (and being) the evidence of God’s love to the world. While I might be disgusted by the way some of God’s people act, I can choose to be part of the light that Jesus commanded us to be, and in doing so, I am contradicting Satan’s lies to myself and to people like Lobdell.
July 25, 2007 at 17:25
This topic is beginning to shed some new light on James Watkins’s post about the Pope’s recent statement on non-Catholic churches… or at least on where that discussion has been going. What is a church? Centuries of history and dogmatic competition clearly show that it is NOT a repository of The Truth. God is. Jesus is, at least to those who try to be Christians—I won’t indulge in the arrogance of excluding Jews or Muslims (or Roman Catholics) or a fair number of other faiths. Scripture can be, to the extent we can grasp what it was meant to tell us, and if our translation isn’t too far off, or if we can read it in the original language (Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek).
But a church is NOT a repository of The Truth. It is a fellowship of believers able to find some basic beliefs and modes of worship in common. A church may, a good church would, help an individual to come closer to God. But it is the individual who must come closer to God. A church is merely a fellowship where that can happen. So, if a church, or several churches, fail us, that doesn’t mean there is no God. It may leave a person floundering, wondering where and how to reconnect. But God is still there.
If the church drove a believer away, then perhaps too much reliance was placed on the church as God’s representative on earth. Many churches have claimed to be exactly that. But they are not. None of them. Not even the ones I have gotten the most out of attending.
July 26, 2007 at 05:08
As a Christian of some 7 years I have within the pas 4 months moved from being zeaous all these years to wondering if I am still a Christian, because like Lobdell find myself in a place wondering… I am struggling with how I feel about my Church and Pastors mostly because of the pain I have suffered from those who represent an authority over my life.
In this time I have prayed over and over for GOD to hold on to me and to help me to stay faithful and close to him, crying to the point of anguish but never not once ever talking t another Christian about it out of the 1. FEAR that you will be told how weak and shaky you are 2. How you may deliverance or That you were too rebellious towards the pastors.
In reality the summation of our Christian walk is lived out through our daily and spiritual interaction with fellow Chrisitans, those we go to Church with, authority figures (pastors etc) and pre-believers, and human behaviour does and can shape your belief in God because of the power of human interaction with each other… if you doubt what I say then you are fooling yourself…
If someone in Church gossips about something you have shared confidentially with them doesnt that hurt you to the core? Do you always suck it up and say ‘such is human life’ I can guareentee you do not… you hurt and proberly shy away from either that person or persons again with confidential things.
We all return to God for our source and daily we seek Him but at the end of it all… we are influenced by what others do to us…
July 30, 2007 at 06:12
Genevieve,
I think everyone would agree with you that our Christian walk is certainly influence and affected by other Christians. I agree with you and with Lobdell completely on that. The point that many people here are trying to make is that, although those relationships are very important in our Christian walk, they should not be the summation of it.
Crying out to God is the right thing to do. Praying for God to send believers to you who are supportive. Finding a Christian you can trust to confide in about your struggles. Satan thrives on our secrecy and our decision to keep things to ourselves. It is that, more than anything else, I think, that keeps us from the liberation of sin. I would guess that more Christians leave the church because of a reluctance to share their struggles than for any other reason. When we keep our struggles to ourselves, we give Satan a foothold because we let our anger, our fear, and our indecisions, fester. And we add to that false illusion that everything is fine, making it that much harder for the next person who needs to see that we all struggle. I think it’s a vicious cycle. We are afraid to confess our struggles to others, so they think we’re fine, then when they struggle, they think something is wrong with them and won’t seek out a confessor.
I can understand your reluctance to confide if your confidence was betrayed. But please pray that God will lead someone trustworthy to you, and make the leap of faith. And remember that, no matter what is happening with other believers, God is beside you, wanting you to focus on him, not them.